The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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