I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize