I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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