Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
