Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
