All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so let's talk penis.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
