I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
