i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
how drunk are you?
Several
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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