go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
