I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
