Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
