I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
