pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
