thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
