She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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