I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize