they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
