omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
