If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
