I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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