a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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