she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
