You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
