the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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