eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
