Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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