I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
