Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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