We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize