My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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