I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize