Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
