i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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