I just cut my nipple shaving
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize