then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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