We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize