He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
