honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
