My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
