Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
