So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
