Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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