Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
