I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
