Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
