I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
your like the ambassador to my penis.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
