I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize