i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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