i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
