I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
