my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
smell my finger.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
