Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
