If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
