it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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