Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize