im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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