I wish I could punch you in the face.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
