Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
