I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
