her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
