Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
