i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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