Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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