Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
