Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
