didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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