Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
