i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Houston, we have a blender
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
