The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
