He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
