she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
