im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did i walk over a car last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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