her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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