i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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