Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
